As I drove work this morning in my 1.9 Turbo Diesel German engineered car I listened with interest to Morning Ireland on RTE radio one as I do each morning to catch the news headlines. The section ‘it says in the papers’ was on and Caroline Murphy was talking about the usual things in the broadsheets and the rags. She mentioned that Easons may include a section called ‘Painful Lives’ for books by people, z-lists celebrities mostly, who are writing books about their shitty lives. Waterstone’s have already created this section.
What is wrong with these people? Is there nothing they won’t do for cash and attention? They think they have it hard? Let me tell you something about MY painful life.
1. I have only four bedrooms in my detached house. How do you think that makes me feel when five friends / couples might want to stay over? Terrible, that’s how.
2. 8Mb. That’s how fast my broadband connection to my four bed-roomed house is. How painful is that. Knowing that I have to wait one or two seconds for a page to load. Oh sure its contention free, but I’m sure it could be MORE contention free. When will I be free of this pain?
3. My Apple MacBook Pro is one year old. And as far as anyone is concerned that too old. How can I be seen with something so outdated. Its like a computer from the last century or something. its probably not even year Y2K compliant. I’m sure that my laptop will be hit by the Y2K bug. How can I show my face outside?
4. My German Turbo Diesel engine is only 1.9. The shame I feel every day knowing that its not 2.5 or 3.0 or even a hummer. Why must I be forsaken? Why can’t I have a hummer? You tell me? Why is life so hard?
5. I only get to work from home up to two days a week. Enough said about that.
6. Only one room in my house is en suite. Tears are rolling down my face, as I’m sure they are yours as you read about my painful life.
So I’m sure that my life is far more painful than Kerry, Posh, Brian, Jordon etc. They’ll never understand the pain that I feel when I have to listen their stories mentioned on the radio or Sky news. That’s a pain that just won’t go away.